Episode 3: Firewhiskey is not for Elves...

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So here's where a lot of the crossovers with Inkheart start. We all were talking about our "men" that we couldn't resist causing trouble and crossover-fic. This is def my favorite episode so far, and I think everyone agreed.
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::Another 'normal' day in the Grove...::

Still not having recovered from the Black Leather episode...and not really worse for wear ;), Lomi once again walks to the Grove for some much needed rest... yeah right...

::Lomiothiel walks up the path to the door. It looks quiet...almost too quiet...::
Why does this make me worry? Hmm....

All of a sudden she hears some warbling coming from above...looking up, she sees Boromir...on the roof...singing...badly...

::Boromir::
CHHHEEEEEZZZEEEBBBUUURRGER IN PARADIIIIIIISSSSEEE....::TOOOT TOOOOOT::::I GOT TWO CHEEEEEEZZZBUURRGGGERRSSS INNNN PPAARRRADDDIIISEEEE!!! ::TOOOOOT TOOOOOOOT:::

::Lomiothiel::
Boromir! What in Mordor are you doing up there?! Get down before you kill yourself...again!!

::Boromir::
::TOOOOOT TOOOOOT:: LOMI! There you are...i was just...looking for yaaaa... i think cheeseburgeeerrrsss ssssound realllllly good riiiight now...donnn you?

::Lomiothiel::
Um... I guess...hey, if you get down I'll make you a cheeseburger? How does that sound?

::Boromir::
oooookkkkkeeeydaaayy.... let me finnnisssshhh the sonnnngg.... CHEEEESSEBURGERRR INNNNN PPPPARRRRRAADDDISSSSSSSEEEE!! ::TOOOT TOOOOOT::

::Lomiothiel::
This is not going to be good...

Walking into the house, she looks around. It is also too quiet...walking into the kitchen, she seems remnants of what can only be described as a Middle-Earth kegger...

::Lomiothiel::
Eru, what in the...? What is this a frat house? What's this....

On the table, obviously quite empty, is a dark green bottle. Picking it up, she reads the label, 'Only the finest for debachery. Ridgeback Firewhiskey. Only available at the Hogs Head.'

::Lomiothiel::
Shit...this is not good!!

Running through the house, she starts to frantically look for the remainder of the boys, as Boromir can still be heard repeating the chorus over and over from the rooftop. First she checks the bathroom...puddles of water are all over the floor. There, she finds Eomer, leaning over the tub which is filled to the brim with water and bubbles.

::Eomer::
LO! DOES THOUST THINK THEY CAN DEFEAT ME? EOMER KING? HOHO, I SHALL SHOW YOU WHAT FOR!! TOOOO DEEEAAAAAAAATTTTHHHH!!!

Eomer starts spashing his arms about the tub, causing more water to come cascading out onto the floor and his lap.

::Lomiothiel::
EOMER! What are you doing dear! You're making a mess!

::Eomer::
MY APOLOGIES, DEAR LADY! THERE MUST BE CAUSALTIES IN WAR...I AM SORRY! BUT I WILL NOT LET THIS FIEND OVERRUN MY KINGDOM WITH HIS PLASTICITY!!

::Lomiothiel::
His what? What are you talking about Eomer? You are the King of the Riddermark, not the bathtub. You don't even have any bodies of water in Edoras.

::Eomer::
HO HO!! HAS THOUST TAKEN THE ENEMIES SIDE, FAIR LADY! EOMER KING WILL NOT BE EASILY DEAFEATED!! TAKE THAT OH LORD OF MALICE, DUCK KING AND YOUR ARMY OF MINIONS, THE PLAZGUL!!!

Lomiothiel then realizes Eomer is waging war on a group of plastic bath toys. Sighing, she leans next to him and dunks his head into the bath water repeatedly...

::Eomer::
MMMMMMMHHHHA aahhh!!! ::wheezes:: *DUNK* AHHHH!!!

::Lomiothiel::
OKAY! COOL OFF MR. KING OF THE MARK! You are obviously smashed because the duckie can't talk! Are these Haldir's? He's going to be so mad at you if you break them. Now come on... no Eomer!...

::Eomer grabs the 'Duck King'::
AHAHA! WHO IS VICTRIOUS NOW, OH EVIL OF THE DARK TOWER?! THOU SHALT NOT OPRESS MY PEOPLE ANY LONGER!! VICTORRRYYYY!!!

Eomer proceeds to throw the duckie out the open bathroom window... outside can be heard...

::Boromir::
CHEEEEESEEEBUUU.... hey cool a duck! FLY DUCKIE FLY... OH... duckie died. You suck.... ::TOOOT TOOOT:: CHEEEEEEZ....

::Lomiothiel::
::sigh:: Okay, Mister, follow me NOW!

Lomiothiel grabs Eomer by the ear ::ow ow ow! A KING IS NOT TREATED IN SUCH A MANNER BY HIS COURTIERS!!:: and continues to wander the house. She stops in his room.

::Lomiothiel::
Okay, you are sleeping this off NOW! Go to bed...no no no I mean go to bed and sleep, don't give me that look!

Turning around, she locks Eomer in his room. Inside can he can be heard muttering 'What is this? Pillow-waites? AHAHA!! TO DEAAAATTTTH!!!!"

Lomiothiel, now quite worried, wanders into the Elves rooms... Legolas' is empty, as is Haldir's... walking into Gil-Galad's room, she spies the King of the Noldor passed out in a beanbag chair on the floor. Haldir in kneeling next to him giggling...

::Haldir::
*giggle* *giggle* *snicker* *teehee*

::Lomiothiel::
Haldir?! What are you doing? Is Gil-Galad okaaaa.....oooohhhh dear....

As Haldir moves, Lomiothiel spies the damage. Haldir has given Gil a very bad Drag Queen makeover... blue eyeshadow, bright red lipstick and pink blush. Gil-Galad is obviously passed out and unaware, as Haldir starts to giggle..

::Haldir::
Doesn't Gil look great! See, he told me wanted a makeover but then the silly fell asleep, so I did it for him! He kinda looks like a princess, doesn't he? I am good! *teehee*

::Lomoithiel::
Oh Hal... He looks like something from the Dead Marshes or a really bad remake of the Rocky Horror Picture Show... sigh...

::Haldir::
Well, I look pretty, so so should Gil! I think he looks fabulously smashing! *giggle giggle* I should go makeover Legolas next! *teehee*

::Lomiothiel::
Oh that is not a good idea...where is he anyway? No, put that mascara down and tell me where he is! Eru, you smell like..., did you... did you pour all my lavender body spray on Gil-Galad?!

::Haldir smiles and nods his head::
Yup! Now we all smell pretty! *teehee* You're pretty, Looooommmi. You don't need a makeover...**teehee**

::Lomiothiel::
Well thank you dear, especially since I don't want to look like someone from Mins Tirith's redlight district... now where is Legolas?

::Haldir pouts::
He said his pores were getting too big so he went to the steam room... *teehee* I wonder if I should paint Gil's nails to match mine!

::Lomiothiel::
No that is not a good idea, you look like the prettiest dead elf drag queen at Helm's Deep... wait... steam room? We don't have....oh shit....

Grabbing Haldir, who is still clutching his blue nail polish, she runs down the hall, throwing Haldir into his room and locking the door behind her. Inside mutters Haldir...

::Haldir::
Oooohhh my armor needs makeover! NAIL-POLISH TO THE RESCUE!! I look sooooooooo good!

Lomiothiel runs downstairs to the back of the house... running inside of the laundry room she sees Legolas...attempting to wedge himself into the dryer and turn it on, thankfully unsuccessfully.

::Lomiothiel::
LEGOLAS! GET OUT OF THE DRYER!!

::Legolas::
whhhat... *hick* this is the sauna silly girl! You have to wait your turn... I seeeemmm to be having trouble with the controls... *hick*

::Lomiothiel::
Legolas, get out of the dryer this instant!

::Legolas::
You... *hick* are just mad beeeccassuuuzzz IIIII am the purrrddyiest off all of us *hick*

::Lomiothiel gets an idea::
Hmm.... No Legolas, you're not the prettiest anymore.

::Legolas::
Huh? What *hick* do you mean?!? I am so!!

::Lomiothiel::
Nope, Haldir gave Gil a makeover and now he's the prettiest... sorry.

::Legolas::
That dead *hick* elven chubkins? I don't thinnk so! We'll ssseee aboot that... HAAAAAAALLLLLLLDDDIIIIRRR!!! I need you to *hick* do my haaaiiiirrr, myy braids are falling out....stupid sauna....

Legolas stumbles out of the dryer and passes out into Lomiothiel's arms.

::Lomiothiel::
UMMMPH... geeezz... you can walk on snow but when you're drunk you sink like The Ring into the fiery pit of Mount Doom... Lay off the Twinkies, would ya.. ERRRGHHH...

She slings the elven prince over her shoulder and slowing carries him up the stairs. She deposits the passed out elf in Gil-Galad's room, where the High King is now drooling on the bean bag chair. Sighing, she tucks Legs into the bed, so she can only stop one place to check on them tonight. Wandering back she checks on Haldir, who is now painting the walls of his room with blue sparkly nail polish and giggling like a fan-girl, and then on Eomer who is fighting with the "Pillow-waite" and somehow losing. Sighing, she stops by Boromir's room. On the floor is an open package and ribbon, along with a note on the floor... Picking up the note, she reads...

'Lomiothiel/ES,
Thought you deserved a good Valentine's Day with the boys! Hope this livens it up *wink wink knudge knudge giggle giggle you know what I mean teehee*
Love,
Tiniwiel/Prosp'

::Lomiothiel::
DAMN THAT WOMAN!!! I told her they can't handle elvish wine, let alone this Hogwarts crap!! I mean, I told her, If this stuff can get Hagrid drunk, how the hell does she think the elves are gonna handle it? And she thinks I'm ever going to let her house-sit! ::sigh:: Livens up the day my ass....

Sighing, she starts to clean-up the mess, as outside, Boromir has changed his tune...

::Boromir::
IT'S JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT ::TOOT TOO::.... *THUMP* AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIIIIIIIIHHH............THUNK!!!.... ooooooowwwwwww!! Stupid time warp... stupid ring... stupid quest... more wine!?!?!

::Lomiothiel sighs and goes outside to collect the fallen Gondorian muttering... stupid valentine's day....stupid wine... stupid quest...::


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY/SINGLES APPRECIATION DAY!


"Rosie Cotton...She had ribbons in her hair...If I ever were to marry anyone, it would have been her...it would have been her..."
Here's to all of us finding our Sam one day too...